What is PTSD? This is MY Family's story...

What is PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder)?
What has it done to MY Family?

PTSD, or Posttraumatic Stress Disorder,
is a psychiatric disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of a life-threatening events such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, or physical or sexual assault in adult or childhood. Most survivors of trauma return to normal given a little time. However, some people will have stress reactions that do not go away on their own, or may even get worse over time. These individuals may develop PTSD. People who suffer from PTSD often relive the experience through nightmares and flashbacks, have difficulty sleeping, and feel detached or estranged, and these symptoms can be severe enough and last long enough to significantly impair the person’s daily life.
(piece from a full article at PTSD.ne.gov)

What is PTSD to me and to my Family?
PTSD is mean, it's evil, it's the thing that stole my husband, it's the monster that took my Children's Father away.
No, he's not dead (thankfully), but he's not here.
He hasn't been here for years.

My husband was in the Navy for 14 years and has been in more than 6 Deployments, in those he did a few tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. 
On his last tour, Afghanistan was supposed to have him for 8 months; but he never gave him back to us.
The man that came home that day, the man that walked into my house carrying his sea bags; dressed in full gear...
wasn't my husband. 

As I went to hand my baby to him, so he could hold him for the first time
(without having all of those wires he had in the NICU)
;
I was afraid.  No, he wasn't violent or scary, or anything like that; but I knew he was different.
Something about him screamed at me
"I'm NOT him!"

As time went by, I kept seeing more and more changes in him, he was easily angered, he was quick to scream for the smallest thing. 
Cranky, edgy, disassociated, anti-social, moody, mood swings, nightmares...
oh! the nightmares were brutal!
I remember many times waking up because I had a man squeezing my throat and screaming gibberish to me, calling me names I couldn't understand.  When I would fight him off and wake him up, or tell him the next morning; he wouldn't believe me. 
He COULDN'T believe me.

I knew what it was, I knew it and I hated it.
I tried telling him many times to please go talk to a Doctor, to please talk to his C.O, to please talk to someone; but why should he?
He said he didn't have it, and that I should leave him alone.

You see, PTSD is like cooties when you're a kid, nobody wants it.
It's a stigma that nobody wants.
It's a downfall of many, the ender of things, the killer of Families, the ender of careers, the worst thing in the world...
especially to someone who has vowed to serve with their lives for this Country.
The last thing in the world they want in return...
is PTSD!

 As I sit here, I am heartbroken, not just for my Family, but for the thousands of Families that are going through this, for the thousands of Families that have lost loved ones because of this;
for the Service Members that have given their all for this Country and now have this burden to bear. 
In the next few posts I am going to tell you more about MY story, about OUR story; and though many think it's a big no-no to talk about this...
I NEED to talk about it. 
I NEED to tell the world what it's like. 
I NEED to share what it has done to me, to us, to you; to all of us.


WE NEED to bring awareness to this illness!

Our Men and Women deserve at least that. 


This post is not sponsored by anyone, I am writing this post about our lives, about our Family, about what it's like to live with someone who has been affected by PTSD.  All statements, opinions, thoughts are my own.

14 comments:

  1. This hit a cord with me, we too got to see the PTSD part of the military dealing with war and the man that really comes home and also how getting out of the military will also effect not only the family but the man that was in the military. I only woke up once to him beating the crap out of the bed, when I told him about it he would spend months in the living room, never wanting to hurt me like he could have. HUGS to you and your family, I think this is something that sticks with them forever.

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  2. My brother is also dealing with this from his last tour to Iraq. He came home a very differnt person. He left a very loyal, family oriented person and came back an angry, selfish person who wanted nothing to do with his family. It is so heart wrenching to watch them change and their is nothing you can do about it when they wont admit they have an issue because of the stigma attached to it. I'll keep you in my prayers <3
    Victoria
    patientlywaitinghisreturn.blogspot.com

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  3. I'm so sorry you went/are going through this. It sounds tremendously difficult, sad, and scary. I am glad you are telling your story because hopefully it will reach another family out there and bring awareness of it to others. I look forward to reading your series of posts and I do hope your husband is able to get the help he needs.

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  4. What a much needed post. We need to see more people speaking up about PTSD. Hugs to you and your family!

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  5. My husband was in the military too. PTSD is all too real but is not limited to military folks. It is hard for anyone with it and they all deserve help

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  6. My thoughts and prayers go to all the families that have dealt, are dealing, and will deal with PTSD. I don't know much about it, I do not know anyone in the military, but my heart goes all to those affected.

    You are very strong, thanks for sharing your story with us :)

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  7. It sounds awful. I'm so sorry for your family and others dealing with this. It angers me to see how our military personnel and their families, all who sacrificed so much, treated the way they are by our own government and society. They need our help and support and its just not there. My oldest is 6 and for 2 years I've been trying to teach him to thank our "military men and women" when he sees them in uniform or their "camo" as he calls it. I can't explain PTSD to him yet but I do explain that they are gone from their families for long periods of time, sometimes fighting wars in other places so that we can go on having the freedom to do what we want when we want here. That other kids his age who have parents in the military might not see their mom or dad for 3 seasons a year (easier for him to tell time that way), but they give that up. He feels shy I think sometimes thanking them so I try to set the example for him. While I appreciate everything the whole family gives up, I know that this can tear it apart too. Hugs to you!

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  8. Wow, I'm so sorry your family has had to go through this. I think it is great that you are speaking out about this and making others aware.

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  9. I hope that he did get help. I feel so bad for you. I could not even imagine what you have gone through.

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  10. I too, have PTSD although totally different. Nothing compared to what are men and women in the military go through. Our government caused the war and our government must find a way to help these people with a less then normal life. I'm sorry if my opinion bothers you. Certain things need brought to light and dealt with while they are still on GI time (if it isn't too severe already.) I will be praying for your husband, family and others with this disease.

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  11. I imagine this was difficult for you to share, so thank you. It is important to raise more awareness about PTSD. I've seen the effects of combat PTSD on friends and comrades, and it's too often a silent illness in that they try to hide it, and no one wants to discuss it. I know some of the commenters above have made statements about the government needing to help these servicemembers, and I'm curious about your experience. I know that when I returned from Afghanistan, there WERE a great deal of free services offered to us and our families (including private, civilian mental health counseling) to help us transition back to civilian lives. ..but maybe it's not enough? What more should be done? I'm honestly curious and would like to know.

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  12. thank you for sharing this to educate on the subject. I'm so sorry the monster has affected your family.

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  13. I understand fully - my husband was a Vietnam vet and he suffered PTSD for years but was not diagnosed for a long time. I am sorry for your family and your problems and will keep you in my thoughts.

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  14. First of all, I am so sorry for the suffering your family has, and continues to, endure. The government needs to be held responsible in providing the best proper care to those (and their family members) suffering PTSD. Instead, they allow them to retaliate against society, then they imprison them or worse yet, kill them. There should be a mandatory promise (at enlistment and/or deployment) that should they suffer PTSD while serving their country, that they will be "guaranteed" treatment until they are 100% recovered.

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