My surgery was postponed to June 14th Tues. due to my blood pressure lol ;)
I know I should be asleep right now, resting on the nice little pillow of valium the Doc prescribed for me. He thought it would calm me down enough do I could sleep the night before my surgery, HA!
Not sure yet if the joke is on him or on me, but I'm up, awake, scared, excited and wired!!! ;) Not on valium silly, I never even took it, I am just wide awake with an energy I haven't had in months. What's my surgery about you ask?
Well being that it's about to be 1am and I have to be up at 6am i won't tell you the whole story tonight, but it goes back over 15 years ago, an abusive dentist, fear of a dentist, being attacked 11 years ago; and it has all brought me to tonight.
Short version, I have not smiled in over 10 years, not physically at least, because inside I am a bubble of smiles ;)
I have been to ashamed to smile in public because ((up above where I said I was attacked 11 yrs ago)) the guy knocked out my front tooth, so from then on I smiled with my lips shut, spoke with my mouth as closed as I could, but today I loose that!!!
Today I go into surgery and EVERYTHING from my jaw to my teeth will be fixed, fixed!!! 100% fully fixed and pretty ;)
Want to know something? I never had a wedding and 90% of that was because I couldn't bear having a wedding because I didn't want people to see me smile.
Finally!!! Finally I will smile, I won't be afraid to meet people, I will accept invitations by friends to hang out, I will accept invitations to conferences, because I will NO LONGER be afraid to smile in public ;)
Words can not express the anticipation and all of the other feelings I have going on inside.
Want to know a secret?!?! Yesterday I stood in front of the mirror and practiced smiling ;) for the 1st time in years I practiced smiling, my face is so sore from all of the giggling I was doing lol. I hope that this will help me loose that fear of being infront of a camera, because I can't wait to show off my smile to you all ;)
All of that being said, I might not be around this week, it all depends on how the pain management goes, but know that I will be thinking of you all, and i love you guys!!!! ;)