It was an amazing thing to see Families running together, celebrating the new year, and most of all; it was amazing to be there with my babies, to "shoo-away" the old yucky year that did us so wrong...
As the year 2011 drew to a close, I hugged my tween daughter extra tight, midnight hit and the fireworks in NYC hit in full effect
... just as fast flowed our tears. My Daughter seemed to have the same emotions and thoughts as me.
FINALLY THE YEAR IS OVER!!!!
See, though being a Military Family for 13 years, having so many high-risk pregnancies, premature births, deployments, emergencies, and everything else life has thrown at us; this year by far was the most challenging.
While the fireworks rang, and hundreds of people cheered, whistled, and kissed, my 11y.o Daughter and I just hugged and cried for what seemed an eternity.
No words needed for a while, just hugs, sobs, "I love you's" and what felt like a huge sense of relief to see the year end, the year that tossed us around like an angry tornado; the year that almost broke us. After we stopped hugging I told her how much I loved her, as she looked into my eyes, so full of relief and sadness, I assured her that THIS was going to be OUR year, THIS 2012 was going to be OUR turn to make it through, OUR YEAR TO ROCK IT OUT!!!
She giggled with her eyes filled with tears and said "oh mommy, you're always making me laugh"
"that's my job baby" I said to her, as I felt like I was breaking inside.
See, I don't know if I believed those words myself, could this year full of chaos finally be over?
could this new year really be our time to make it out of this dark hole we feel we are in?
Could 2010 really be full of all the wishes I have for my babies, or is it just one more day in a calendar? Am I setting myself up in putting so much hope into this new year? I hope not, it seems all I have these days to run on is hope and the smiles of my babies.
- The turmoil of 2011 began way before that year even came to be, with me caring for my grandfather since the year before, and all of the nonsense of his children, it drove me to have a minor stroke in January...
- in February I almost physically lost my husband to PTSD and he was in the hospital for a month, though I know I had already lost him 6 years earlier to that damn PTSD and all of her issues...
- in March and April we worked hard with adjusting to him re-adjusting with things he learned in therapy and implementing them at home; we also had the hardest time with our 7yo and his medication's side effects for adhd and odd...
- May and June we tried to kick everything into gear since my husband's last day in the Navy came closer.
On June 2nd, it was my husband's birthday, our baby graduated Kindergarten, our oldest graduated High School; and it was our last day as a Military Family.
- The next day I saw my husband hit the job search in full force, entering between 10-20 online applications a day; everyday...
- July came and still no job...
- August came and still no job, after living off of the severance pay, it was decided that the best thing to do was to move in with my husband's Family in NY until we got on our feet. The kids nad I were devastated. We packed, planned our route and set off into the unknown...
- September came while we were driving from Cali-NY. We arrived in NY a few days after the earthquake and Hurricane Irene, could have possibly been a warning sign lol.
- October my husband is burning himself out by still entering so many applications a day, M-F.
- November was just as hard, still no job, no place of our own. The kids are showing more and more their desires to go "back home".
- December was by far the hardest, still no job, no home of our own to place a tree, no money for gifts, no programs I was able to sign up for like prior years, and hearing the kids only ask Santa for their pets we HAD to leave behind in California was THE HARDEST! Christmas we were blessed to be with Family, but it was bittersweet for us all. Our 11yo seems to be struggling with it the most.
January seems full of hope for me and mine, job interviews the first week of Jan. seems promising, so please send us some Prayers ;)
All in all I am Blesses to have my Family, and a roof over our heads, I am grateful for that of course, I just hurt as much as our babies for our own little piece of the world, for some sense of normalcy, some sense of belonging and a place we can call home, our own home... no matter how small ;)
I wish for all of your hopes and dreams to come true, that you have more smiles than tears, more money than bills, more hugs than scorns... more love than anything else ;)
here are a few of our NYE2011 & NYD2012 moments ;)
|Our Aunts ;)|
|HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!|
|Daddy comforting my emotional tween ;)|
|a heart of fire ;)|
|1/4 of the Family ;)|
|she LOVES her cousin ;)|
|we caught The Flash!!!|
Are you grateful 2011 is over? Are you looking fwd to 2012? Any new/major things you are hoping for? Any plans/resolutions/lessons you are implying?